Schizophrenics or Voice Hearers?
The term schizophrenia is loaded with stigma these days. Schizophrenia is a condition where the sufferer is divorced from reality through hallucinations, which can be “auditory hallucinations” (you hear voices), or “visual hallucinations” (you see people that aren’t really there). According to UpToDate, the prevalence of schizophrenia or voice hearing, is 1% worldwide, with an incidence (number of new cases annually) of 1.5 people per 10000. This means schizophrenia is fast becoming an illness of the future.
Since there is a stigma associated with the word “schizophrenic”, we sometimes prefer to call ourselves “voice hearers”. Unfortunately, it is seen through studies at BMC Psychiatry that the likelihood of those experiencing painful mental symptoms seeking professional psychiatric help is quite low; I feel like this is due to a fear of being branded as a “medicated zombie”. I’m a voice hearer, and today I wanted to share some of the experiences I have had with schizophrenia, in the hope that we can all together lift the stigma associated with having hallucinations.
My life growing up was quite normal, deceptively normal. What do I mean by that? Lets just say I had a happy childhood, but it was peppered with feelings of oversensitivity, a constant mild anxiety and highly depressive thoughts for someone in childhood. Despite this I excelled academically and eventually ended up studying psychology with the hope of becoming a neuropsychologist. I was passing with flying colours and I made it till the middle of my third year - so close yet so far! I sometimes use the term “past life” to describe my life before being diagnosed with schizophrenia. The reason is that after diagnosis my life took such a rollercoaster turn of events that I couldn’t even recognise my earlier self, i.e. my “past life.” At the age of 22, I started experiencing heavy depression after falling out with a friend, and I took to smoking and drinking on a daily basis to try and dull the sensations I was having. As if life wasn’t hard enough with these challenges.
One day I had a final snap mentally, and had an experience of hearing a cacophony of voices, like my mind became a crowded room, and each voice had a particular opinion on the way I was living. Many of the voices were highly critical, constantly rebuking me for everything I did, and the only thing I felt I could bear the voices was to shout out loud for them to “Go Away!”, but this behaviour just seemed to fuel their attitudes towards me even further. As long as I was awake, the voices were there, and they made sure they made my life a living hell. One day I simply checked myself into a psychiatric ward, and surrendered the whole experience to “the powers that be.”
Deep within my being I had this hope which I can only describe as the “light of awareness,” an inner compass that was beyond the hallucinations, a voice that said “you CAN live through this, you CAN rise above this illness, and you CAN live a fulfilling life!” I believe we all have this ability to bolster our spirits during times of distress, and its that ability which shines through only when we are met with a true challenge!
I started searching for answers, I knew I couldn’t tolerate being a social outcast, just a number in the hospital systems. I had this burning desire to express myself and heal the mind, the seat of experience. I found peace through meditation and yoga, and discovered that there was a whole new dimension within me, a dimension that was pristine, always cheerful, ever joyful, and tranquil. I started practising mindfulness and how to be more present in my day to day activities. Recent studies have shown that practising mindfulness leads to better psychosocial functioning, improved positive emotions and reduced negative symptoms. Actually I felt like I had no choice but to be present and mindful, because whenever I looked too far in the future, I would become overwhelmed by voices, and when I dwelt too far in the past, I would feel guilty and regretful. So I guess you could say that anchoring myself in the present made me a lot more grounded and resilient in dealing with the “voices in my head.”
I was given the wisdom to attend a “Hearing Voices Workshop,” and this was one of the best things I ever did in terms of voice hearing. I met others who were suffering from the same symptoms, and I realized I wasn’t the only person in the world with tribulations, and that I wasn’t the only one on the planet to hear voices! This came as a great, revelation, and from then on I stopped crucifying myself for hearing voices. There are many things I learnt in this voice hearers workshop which I may go into in subsequent posts.
Today my main message is this: If you hear voices you’re not alone (no pun intended) and there is a space for you where you will not be judged or alienated; this is the aim of the Voice Hearers Movement. Recognise yourself as an integral part of the universe and that your life is important!
These are some experiences I have had with schizophrenia, and my mission through these blogs is to share my thoughts with you guys on this so called “disorder”. I do intend to create more blogs in the near future, and I would love to get some feedback. Feel free to share your experiences with schizophrenia, as well as any topics surrounding voice hearing you would like to read about. I think a collective mindset on this thing called schizophrenia is the gateway to recovery, so let’s walk this journey together.
